Post‑Soviet cultural landscape is characterized by considerable popularity of nationalistic ideas and narratives applying conspiratorial explanatory models and suggesting various versions of “alternative history”, which are framed, in particular, within amateur concepts of language — a sort of cryptolinguistics. This discourse is illustrated here with the case of the so‑called “Vseiasviatnaia gramota” (“World‑ wide Writing”), a teaching, according to which an esoteric Slavic alphabet “encodes” the entire universe.